The Madness In Me

6 June, 2014

They say a lot of things, those people. You know them. The ones who say things.

They say it’s going to rain today.

They say if you rub crisco into your CD and let it sit before buffing it clean, the scratches disappear.

They say if you carry your pregnancy low, you’re gonna have a baby boy.

They say way too much for the most part, and not nearly enough the rest of the time. They can lift you up or tear you down, depending on which way their words wind around what they’re wanting to sell. To share. To shuck. To scare you into...whatever. Whether it’s truth or dare, the friction of fancy, or the fiction of the victimless crime.

But I digress, as I usually do when given the space and time to not only opine, but to edit my assertions as I scatter them across the screen-through the dragnet of the NSA-on their way to wherever. Every word is borrowed from a bigger place anyway...and still just dust from a monkey’s dream, no matter what it seems.

Recently I read an article concerning the not too nearby neighboring planet of Mercury. Or rather, I perused a piece- perhaps someone’s opinion or pseudo-scientific explanation of certain experience and or emotional states surrounding the so-called phenomenon of Mercury in retrograde-an apparently significant, if not somewhat frequent, astrological event that eludes my complete understanding.

I say pseudo to satisfy the skeptic in me. I say science because I want to believe that everything is real. That magic is real and based in documented proof. That we are connected to the stars, to the planets, to each other, in essence and in energy that is invisible only because we have chosen not to see it.

It’s either that, or something else altogether.

Still, Mercury is reaching that retrograde feeling even as I tick tock with the type, and everything that grows away, fades to life again.

I can only understand things the way that I do at any given time. As seconds turn into minutes turn into moments turn into days, so my understanding deepens, widens, wanders, changes, and hopefully grows with each cycle of the seasons I have left being me.

For all I know, this could be just one more brick in a thick wall of  willful construction. Myths, maybe lies, always out to profit some other guy in the name of whatever and who knows why.

But that doesn’t really make much of a difference. Whether it’s a factual representation of reality, or the active imagination of someone with nothing better to do than toss about ideas as truth-it doesn’t matter.

What matters is how these words affect me as they enter my subconscious in this particular sequence. What matters is the frequency these words reverberate in as my inner voice conforms to their cadence and matches their pitch. What matters is how the new information resonates within the chambers of my instrument and, if I allow it, incorporates its melody into the mosaic that plays unceasingly inside of me.

So it’s about what? Lack of reasoning, poor judgement, misinformation, breaks in meaningful communication, re-telling old lies, re-living past lives, getting stuck in a loop of bad luck and bad ideas. Falling back in time. That’s my torn and tattered take anyway.

At least that’s what I’ve always gotten out of the retrograde discussion. Until now. This article, which I failed to bookmark and forgot the site where I found it, flipped the script just a little bit and offered a different angle from which to view this supposed shift in planetary influence. I’m cool with that.

It’s about introspection, finding the rests between notes, the space between breaths. It’s about taking inventory, checking stock, recognizing the barriers I build to keep myself from feeling satisfied, fulfilled, open, hurt, rejected. Recognize and remove with understanding. Realize the cages I wrap around all those I confess to love-with my prejudices, grudges, insecurities, fears. Realize and remove. Now truly is the time.

While things get wacky for whatever reason, it’s the perfect time to clean out the cobwebs within and see what may be lurking in the shadows. Some remnant of a former self, emotional baggage, guilt, rage, despair, desperation? Light a fire and let that shit go.

It’s my goal to be a bit more relaxed and aware of my cyclical soul and its tendency to orbit around the messages I keep forgetting to remember. At least until July 1st and this curse is lifted! The madness in me makes the most sense when I just set it free.

So rock on Mercury, you heavy metal messenger to the gods.

When going retro, it’s good to be in the know-whether it’s real, or really just the matrix. Memorex. Memories. Make believe. Made you look...